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A letter to myself

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What we seek, we become.

Over the last few years, many of us on earth, have faced major transformations within and also in our surrendering. If you look deeply and long to ocean waves, if you pass the sound, the foam, the movement, you leave the surface and you see the invisible tides, living our life is like looking deeper into the waves.

We are tired, feel uncertain and vulnerable most of the time, the storm took us in and we seek a new earth to land.

This is the story of many of us who chose to be awaken, to walk into the unknown and let go when is required. Now, this deep longing and urge to rest, to enjoy, to do what we love to do, to be who we really are, is the one song, the soul song that we all sing over and over in our fb posts, in words, in dreams, in hope, to experience the rebirth. We are waiting not just for 2012 to be the YEAR, but for us to be the ONE, consciously or unconscious, we want peace, end of struggle, we want freedom.

Journey to soul takes place in two phases, one is the road to the beloved, to meet the soul, to hear the heart and as we walk, life transforms, no one could tell if or how we will meet the beloved, it could take years or a lifetimes, but along the way we find our purpose and that is the turning point, we still continue to dissolve in love of divine, but we return to do the work we were born to do. That is the second phase, return to the earth, to serve the good of all. Both phases are full of challenges, lessons, no wonder it is called the evolution .

At this point, soul, mind and body must be aligned by feeling wholeness and oneness. Many of us, right now are standing in waiting rooms of life, all eager to begin, each soul is stretched in its own way beyond believe, love is the center of Universe, only in love we could stand so naked, alone and witness how the world, the people, the believes we had, have changed so rapidly that we can’t even recognize ourselves.

Since early this morning, my mind turned my life upside down, as I keep trying to begin my life and every attempt I make, I end up facing a wall. I am ready, I keep asking Divine, why I can’t begin the life I want to create. No logic could ever explain what one experience in relationship with God, in prayers and in silence.

One word came up, faith. I am nothing without faith and do not mistaken the faith with hope. Hope is our way to stay with our story; faith is our way to stay with divine’s way. And only with love we could fuel faith.

If I see my own life with mind’s eyes   the pain and sorrow of loss of my independency for over four years is enough to end my life, but I see life thru the eyes of heart, that shows me the greatness of my soul, the courage to stand alone on my ground and walk alone to meet my soul, to meet Beloved, to learn how to accept life as it is and work with what I have, even it is nothing much.

My heart is my faith and even in the face of uncertainty and vulnerability, I know, my being here has a meaning in a bigger plan of divine.

The tired part of me is mind and my heart and soul never gets tired in loving and trusting and knowing

I am living my truth, so do you.

So my friends, let be each other rock, let work and trust in God’s timing, however it comes.

Let see the tides beyond the waves,

Hold on your faith.

Open sky

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Inside the vast blue sky, life moves effortlessly. The open space welcomes everything. Every morning, with seagulls cry and the sound of the beating heart, life invites you to meet your soul, in all reflections, all comes and goes, all silent conversations across a road, while someone sips on his coffee and the other one just observes the beauty of acceptance, love, and let go…all experiences are welcome when heart only knows loving… even when it breaks.. still is loving…and pain comes, then a friendly smile and surrendering deeper to tides of life, knowing; not knowing is OK. In this aloneness, we walk, we share and exchange glances and mystery unfolds…
We open to oneness, and breeze touches threads of your destiny, gently and sometimes even with storm of passion… you let it all come.. because at the end of all experiences, you have opened your life to life and that is the most sacred offering we can give and share.. till we no longer do….
The journey is to freedom, for all livings… even when you hear the crack in your heart and someone doesn’t threat you as you deserve, you always know, it is your own doing… you learn and you move on… just don’t close your heart, don’t play safe, don’t build walls, let it flow.. let it hurt even.. no harm will come to such a heart that can stand naked, vulnerable and offer unconditional love…

that heart is entwined with eternal love, free, strong and gentle, soaring joy and ecstasy in forever dance of life.  This is pure beauty, the ache of longing creates and give birth to new experiences… Our human bodies, is just a place, for all happening, to witness, to choose and participate.. to love and let go.. and let a new day, a new blue canvas of sky.. opens news gates of your heart… keep loving whatever it is.. that will set you free of everything.

I love you <3

Serena Devi

Heart of love

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You wait inside this empty space as the whole creation echoes the sound of your beating heart. Part of you still seek a new place to discover, to land, to build and share and some other parts, keep listening, observing, let all unsettled thoughts rise, you even get emotional, the throat aches for a small bite on juice of hope, understanding of all happening within your chest, your heart.

Living a life without a gravity, looking within and at the same time wonder in gaze of another, look into those clear blue eyes, not knowing how did you arrived here, in that sacred place in your heart again, to let love washes everything with her flow, to accept another, in sameness of your own breath. While part of you wants to just fall into their arms and feel alive and connected, with life, with love, with oneness in all.

It is you, always you in forever journey over your heart’s mountains, meadows and seas. Into unknown places of soul, lost senses of belonging, letting tides move you closer to shore of contentment and peace.

Into eyes of another, we bless and taste our own soul, the secret presence behind all inner dialogues. When love burns and teaches you how to let go of what no longer serves the awakening.

There are times, the spasms grasp your heart, between inhale and exhale, it dies and reborn. Always this shocking truth that comes back and sit on your chest like an arrow, you see your own blood, ache and afterward the understanding a long unhealthy and abusive pattern of words, actions and emotions. How, over and over, soul brings you happening, to teach you maturity, self –worth and forgiveness.

I chose to live a transparent life and like any other thing that comes with a price, not all of my sharing, wisdom or even love, unfolds without a pain and bleeding of my heart. Yet, I choose to be committed to every breath and challenge myself and my shadow, because this is intimacy, this is making love and acceptance. The story is never about the other, the encounter, the man and woman and allowing the experiences change you to something/someone different moment to moment. Living in love means to live in paradox, open up to pain and cure and never be sure how tomorrow unfolds.

When you love, you open your life to another, your eyes become a gateway to meet your soul, a gentle touch, a nice appreciation, a sacred sharing, what makes life worth living, is to love another and respect them and their feelings. A heart is the house of beauty, the undiscovered yearning to offer your heart and not be afraid of what might come next, could be broken, abused, ignored and neglected by others, but the journey is never about the world, it is how you willingly, passionately and sincerely are intimate with yourself, how you make love and honor another only speaks of your inner love to self, to soul.

 

It took me thousands of nights, struggle, cry, agony and loneliness to become awaken to my inner sabotage, lack of worth, and today after another brief encounter with my shadow, I finally arrived to liberation, my existence is sacred, beautiful and loving, over blue color of someone else’s eyes, in might come to seem important, how vulnerable heart become, with each breath is an open invitation for life to touch life, how forgiving she must become when ego of the world scratches her rose petals, she cries in silence , washes her despair in sea of love….and let go of the outcome, only more self-love, nurturing, honoring and accepting …. when everything dissolves in surrendering to what it is, we become a pure empty space for love to resides, free, powerful and sacred. Don’t be afraid to love and speak of it, the world breaks your heart, over and over, at the end, between the broken walls and ashes, you will meet your own rose, and that worth all pain and suffering and no one can take or break it, you become Eternal, you become timeless. You arrive home, let the world breaks your heart, and let the light in.

Serena Devi, Sept 2014, Brighton .UK

Out of mystery

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In the world of magic, no-thing is real. All real things are dissolved and disappeared into stillness of the invisible world.
Out of the mystery the Divine feminine rises, receptive, warm, gentle and strong, in her long black garment. The dark Goddess opens her soft red lips with a promise of a full life.
Underneath of all emotions and senses, the restless mad desire moves all livings to fall out of all forms, bodies, into silent ebbs of love. To be in now, to be intimate with every touch, every thought and emotion, to become fully absent of self, empty of everything and become more ordinary, a fertile, open and pure, a place for all Happenings
Swim without fear, meet each wave, not knowing what shore you shall land.
Moments ….of beauty, sadness, sensation, mystery; embracing all. The ordinary life is a living experience of an extra ordinary magic, moving, shaping, unfolding, passing by, in a sweet smell of jasmine, or taste of a lemon tea, like a scent of a God aroused from the dream of a making love with his beloved Goddess. The ache inside the human throat, centuries of waiting to reborn, gazing silently into sky, following the edge of flight of seagulls which breaking bravely into winds and waves…coming home to what is free, vast and unlimited, behind each movement of their wings. This is love, the untamed and raw force of life, in harmony and balance, with no resistance or desire to control. Seagulls reborn every day, free, faithful to their nature and brave to meet each high and low. We, humans have forgotten how to splash the waves, trust our wings and never question the power of creation. Our minds are full of thoughts, stories, structures, doing lists for tomorrows, we listen to forecasts, stock market, news. Time controls us, unmet needs control us, fear control us. The only place we could go as a refuge is daydream of a better tomorrow. We forgot love, we forgot contentment, we forgot
Could any dream be more real than “love”? Could any lover be more naked and exposed than the heart which melts and loves unconditional, disappears drop by drop from her own life, away from all stories, far away from vicious circling of mind.
In the world of magic, absent means to be fully present and everything means to hold on no-thing. Freedom is a divine feminine perception, seeing through her eyes, kissing with her lips. Feeling the heat of Sun beneath the heart and die peacefully beside rocks, dolphins and siren songs. Falling in love with life and never ask Who am I?
This full of absent of self, is a home coming of divine feminine, the unfolding mystery, the absolute freedom of each choice on whiteness of pages of life.
The reason of all happenings is to die and become a vessel, empty, crystalized, to echo the sound of creation, to be a silent part of the Magical world. To be awaken in your own dream, to taste the juice of love from your own vein.
To be a rose, to hold nothing between self and life. To love and be loved and witness the undeniable magic of the intense beauty that opens up moment by moment, to taste the sweetness of Goddess’s lips.
To dance on milky way between stars and hearts, to be so still that the soft movement of moon into the arms of the dark night could be heard. So vast and free, that could hold earth and sky. So humble and loving that creation circles around your breath.
Out of mystery comes all sort of love and the deeper you traveler, the more of love arrives and one day everything dissolves into magic of Oneness.
Come my beloved One, our home is here, our breathes are one, our joy, our laugh, our purpose and our forever love. Come home….

Serena Devi, Brighton 24/08/2014

Let’s die

Let’s die to all small and big emotions of unsafety, loneliness, hurt and betrayal, failure and suffering.
There is no one’s fault, no image, no thought, no moment rises without being allowed, consciously or unconsciously by you.
Someone wants to wake up, it feels hard to sit still, accept and let silence nurture the exhausted self, the undeveloped and unloved parts of you. The desire for surrendering rise from your womb, the ache and longing for softness and receptivity, through time and space.

Who are you, within web of my body, are you Soul? Personality, a drop of a water from ocean of consciousness, all the undissolved parts waiting for alchemy process, to turn into love!! Who are you?
I call you, to come and sit with me, with gentleness of sky and patience of trees. Your presence is all I need, to find the strength to stand as whole in this unbearable pain and not runaway, not hide, not blame, just die in my own loving embrace and witness how the crack in my heart widens, moment by moment for the light to open up and show me the secret pathway to lifetimes patterns of self-sabotage and manipulation, fear of being authentic.
Sorrow is part of our breathing, it carves inside out, the passage for the flow of acceptance, self nourishing and love.

Let’ die to all stories of control and success,
To all false senses of security, belonging and power.
I want to die and at the same time give life to this intense feelings of discomfort, wow and wonder and extremely painful of maturity in my human form. When, moment by moment, waves take me from joy and playfulness, to disconnect and pressure, just to open a new gate and invite a deeper relation with all parts, as Who I AM.
Perhaps it is my last hope, or my first authentic act to retrieve all parts of my soul, in the present without fear of rejection and disapproval. It worth dying…Isn’t death also a beginning?
The deeper I look into the mirror of the world, the deeper I must travel to underworld of my feelings, meet the shadow and unloved and even lost parts of my soul. Some, I must bury with love and care, with patience and compassion, some, I have to sit, months, even years, for the invite… just to enter, just to accept, to open and allow healing… for self love to grow.
Can I ever travel beyond my stories? Some sounds like an old gramophone, pausing, rewinding on its own….I am tired of repetition of the sorrow stories, the abandon child and the hermit path.
Can I finally admit, surrender to life as it comes, let flow truly moves me forward. Can I enter this moment, virgin, no sense of good or bad, no need or desire to do or not to do.
Let’s die and open up to more love, fall into unknown and even when it feels my skin is burning and I can’t stand one more minute in front of the heat of transformation and illumination, lets stay still, while parts of me dying that no longer serving my growth.
Let die and accept this human experience as without this body, I could never know, how beautiful I can be, how hard the ground of life feels and how amazing standing up is. How much more I can delve in, to be more truthful, humble and sensitive to all.
Let die and accept the agony of lessons and changes and embrace the magical ecstatic moments of ecstasy, when everything becomes one, and feels I never left home.
Today, I crossed a deadly desert, still feel hot, confused, vulnerable, nowhere to hide, rest or wait for the next day. So, come and hold my hands, my light, my shadow, my ache in the chest, my forever lover, my breath of longing, come and stay with me, until I die completely, turn to ashes one more time, hopefully one last time, to lose all I have to lose. To become a place free of time and space,
For love to happens, over and over,
On blade of grass, on the edge of moon’s lips on skin of night,
In face of strangers, and silent imitation of birds,
Come and end me
To reborn out of my new heart
Into a boundless echo of Now.
Now or never,
I promise you,
our forever no ending love affair in Now.

Serena Devi

A note to readers

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Dear beloveds, friends and readers

I have been posting on this poetry blog since 2010. It has been a great journey into my heart, to let go of many untrue believes, to unveil and unblock, to taste and share the true essence.

I am taking this blog to another level from today and apart from sharing poetry, I share and include some notes, lessons and tips on the Soul journey and soul- mapping. Please feel free to reflect back, ask questions or get in touch.

May this new approach, brings clarity, of strength and transparency to all of us, here.

With love

Serena Devi

What do you think ?! please share.

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