Fragile Rose

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Life is a fragile rose,
Soft, pure, mysterious and beautiful.
It flow gently in our humans veins,
into green valleys of possibilities.
In her sacred ways, it blooms in blood of earth and heat of sky’s passion.

She bends, she stands, she murmurs between hands of wind,
She disappears in sigh of ocean embracing shores,
Ah, life is ache in my bones
Longing to reach out and be free.
My rose has been sitting
Outside of borders and storms
Inside the crystal cave of feelings
Not knowing what time brings,
Her petals are wet with tears,
Her lips, open, and hopeful
For the graciousness touch  of the mighty king.
Ah, life…beat faster, higher
Than any possible dream of mine,
My rose is disappearing in fragrance of solitude, years after years.

All roads ended in crystal palace of my feelings. How much love is gone and how much more are still here, inside my heart.
Ah, life
Touch me again, squeeze all of my being
This pain killed me over and over
And changed me million times
From day to night,
I died and reborn
Still waiting for harvest of my heart,
Give me who I am and silence will announce the homecoming of a queen.
Ah, life,
Kill me and let my heart
burst into thousands of traveling stars
Returning home.
I am just a fragile rose, dreaming my flight
Into forever fragrance of my feelings,
Never leaving, never arriving,
Forgetting everything,
In a sigh of joy
Meeting my shinning king
Before the next dawn.

I am just a fragile rose.

Serena Devi

Into the light

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Sometimes when there is no way out, you must go in. To the centre of heart gravity, where clarity sees and speaks. On your way in, you might face darkness, pain, fear and rage, keep go on, observe, feel and pass.
You will know, when your breathing changes, the path within is no longer narrow and dark, you no longer afraid of your own thoughts and feelings. You hear the movement of life in your human’s vein, you feel the gentle touch of intimacy with all parts of You. Tears might fall, aches might squeeze your being, and yet the breeze of homecoming presses her lips on thirsty skin of your existence.
Ah, you are meeting deeper, hidden parts of yourself, this ache is love, this ache is freedom offering healing to your wounded, unloved, disfigured parts.
Stay there, in centre of chaos and noise, in centre of serenity and acceptance. Stay with totality of all experiences.
You die over and over, you reborn again and again.
One day, one moment open up to complete surrender to Life.
You die and disappear,  silence transforms  every drop of consciousness in hollow of your disappearance into the  light, into God.

Serena Devi

Surrender

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Sometimes we are saved by someone’s words, other times by pure silence. Not just because it brings peace and serenity, silence has a way to reflect back the minds noise and ego’s attempts to keep us in separation and chaos.
Meditation has been the best friend when those moment of disconnection rise, close your eyes and feel the life movements in your body and let all thoughts, emotions appear, disappear. Wash away by tranquility of fresh moment.
I have been crossing another desert for sometime now, alone,sun is peeling my skin, so many deep emotions surfacing, as a witness I Am all, as me, the woman, the body, mind and story, I feel so sorry for all pain and sorrow I have caused for myself. For sometime now, I have been avoiding to feel and hear my heart, creating has been wonderful, but also a place of doing that kept me safe and away of feelings.
After 23rd March, waves of eclipse shook my being upside down, wounds appeared and the nagging mind….
For the last few days, I have been sitting in silence and meditating extensively. Today, it opened up, burst in tears and joy of finally feeling the flow of emotions. Now, it settles, like water, find its level.
Now, I can hear my heart again, I can  accept where  I am and what needs to change and move from this stagnant and let flow breaks all solid in me.
Ah, I want to flow again, touch the softness of my hearts petals, kiss the warmth of love’s lips with hunger and passion to experience more of myself into the world.
I am going beyond another layer of “I”, where no mind reaches, only nakedness, vulnerability and not knowing could survive the heat of truth, which has been chanting my heart.
Today is a good day to change, to swim and accept here and trust universe
Today is a good day to forgive myself, love myself and stay hand in hand with myself.
Today is a brilliant day, to say I love you and “Surrender”.

Day 1 -Landscape of feelings

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This morning I woke up from a dream, asking myself many questions about the nature of human’s heart.
There were times, I was afraid to feel, afraid of pain and joy .I was afraid to let go of suppressed emotions and accept my own power and will to choose different.
These days, life is a lucid dream which makes everything possible and changeable, I travel to memory lane with openness and excitement, I listen and let waves of feelings touch every corner of my being. I wait long enough to feelings lose their personal story and pain which always associates  with unwanted thoughts vanishes into sense of life. I stand with all of me, in the present moment and knowingly travel to all unwanted and hurtful moments. What was once named PAST, is nothing but a passing fog appearing on ground of present and the more focus I stare into it, the less I desire to carry the heaviness of my thoughts about it. I let them drop, it is so heavy and painful, this nagging judgment over events, people and outcomes. Especially when its darkness effects my present moment.
So, why I travel over and over to certain memories?!
This morning, I sat in my favorite armchair, sipping on my coffee, listening to a Serenity CD which I bought 8 years ago in San Francisco and over the period of two months, I listened it over and over, crying, longing and thinking of the man whom I fell in love. I listened to tracks with smile on my face and a peaceful heart.
I never met him again, never heard from him, I wrote letters, poems, emails for over 4-5 years and not even once, he replied. Before, I never knew what love is, what need is, what attachment means… This desire and longing turned into a spiritual journey, to find a purpose and make a sense of my own existence.
After 8 years, today, is the day that I look into landscapes of my feeling with no fear, resistance, and disapproval. Nothing is hidden, suppressed and disfigured. Every feeling is appreciated and honored.
Could I call this healing, enlightenment or acceptance? This peaceful state within my emotions is changeable, as waves of ocean, some moments rise to a level that might bring discomfort, alongside with a sense of wonder, however it rise, I rise with clarity and more space to observe and allow my emotions.
I certainly have a new understanding of love, sensuality and sexuality. I relate to my being more intimately and not necessary need the presence of a Masculine icon in my life to feel passionate, loving and sexual.
Fifteen years ago, I was a sex addict with no idea of what true love is, how a relationship works? I expected to be loved and cared for, but I wasn’t be able to offer myself that love and care. So, I lash out my body, mind and soul. I brought suffering and unworthiness into my own heart and life and meeting this man was another attempt to fix my addiction. But this time, the encounter led me to waking up and after that every event and change became an invitation to meet and embrace another part of myself, in time, I woke up to this magnificent inner landscape in my heart, constantly creating scenarios and stories to assist this waking up.
Life has become a vast space allowing all happening, love no longer is a need, lust or desire. Love is sacred place to meet every part of myself within mirror of the world. My heart feels vulnerable and transparent most of the time, but I am not running away from feeling, I feel my presence moment by moment and as I every day arrives, I renew my senses by embracing where I am with no reservation.
In totality of each moment, I stay intimate with my feelings and emotions and go beyond surface story, beyond what the mirror shows and how I choose to translate every event and person.
Life no longer needs to be perfect or purposeful. Life is a joy of presence, the greatest learning was and is, to feel sexual, sensual or loving, and I don’t need to be with another. I am enough, today is enough and far more than that, is a mystery that drives my passion and creative force to stay aware and loving and let it merge with magic and anticipation to create something magnificent and simple, from baking a bread to writing a poem. From morning shower to kissing the beloved’s lips.
Life is a constant openness to this mesmerizing landscape, feelings, emotions, colors, verity, mystery, transformation. Life is a rendezvous with Now, to make love.
I am sitting on my favorite armchair, loving all.
Enjoy.