Today, I woke up very early, the last couple of days I am suffering from ear infection. Unlike past when there is a physical restlessness, I did not fall out of stillness, stayed in observing mode. Trusted to what my feelings than what appears the logical steps. It is clearing now, in peaceful state of now.
I also had an opportunity to listen to Mooji live from India. There is a way in life that brings whatever we need to experience, to serve the awakening process. In my own spiritual journey, there was a time, I needed to listen to a guru or an advanced travel into truth and there was another time, I needed to be all by myself and let whatever rise from my heart touches and speaks. Those alone time, until ego and mind began faded away were the most challenging ones. Because, something is dying in you, the identity, desires, fears and attachments are no longer words! When one realize the fakeness and untrue nature of mind and how strongly bricks on bricks it has built our believes and rules our every decision, our perceptions, mind’s fear is the first reaction. And in my case it took few good years before I could break free from my false personality, I was stubborn in change. I could not see I am the source of my own unhappiness and suffering.
Today, Mooji and I were swimming in one ocean of consciousness. I could feel and observe in complete freedom, it was no other noise(mind), no knowing or unknowing. It was a totality of a moment. Over the years, silence has become my main companion. In process I have lost all friendships that I grew up with, my parents are alive and we are not in communications. My sister and I have not exchanged words for over two years. The more my true self came to picture, the less I was able to play the same games and rules of ego world. In the beginning everything seemed hard and was hurting me deeply. I was trying to explain what this awakening is. How the entire world is changing and looking deeper into Self to find peace, because in time, all questions will dissolve in silence. Many think we find answers in spiritual endurance, the truth is, we lose them. We lose the mind or in another way, we move from mind to heart and then everything become part of the effortless flow of moments. Without identity, there is no fear or plan for future, no anger, shame or blame in the past. The only reality is Present. This is not something we reach by talking about it, it requires practice and life takes us to all places on earth to teach us, to assist the rise of consciousness which is our true self.
This month, March 2017 has been a pondering month for me. I moved to Cyprus 5 months ago and part of me knew it only serves as a platform and it won’t become a permanent home, and part of me( the doer, the fighter, the over powering masculine side) was pushing me to make things happen. Considering all earthy facts including income, place to live, food to eat, people to meet! But that was my old programming!
Soon after I realize, my mind cannot offer any help, because the soul is so align with flow of energy that any decision out of fear or control, immediately take my entire moment out of balance and I know, that is mind and not my heart. So, after few mistakes and facing the unwanted outcomes, I took a retreat within and I am still in silence. Writing is my true gift, it heals, it unfolds, it expresses my most intimate emotions in a moment, and writing is my mirror. Since I began writing daily a new and undiscovered part of self-unveiling. There is no ending in this transparency and living in full nakedness of moments, it is more about losing the extras and all unrequired steps we are conditioned to, but only in living, we can learn. Living like this means a full trust in path of life. That either it comes or it be created through my current consciousness and if things are not developing as I see right by my heart’s values, then I disengaged and no matter how anxious my mind makes me to interact and force things, I refuse even if that means the physical reality might manifest in the way my personality not accept, I stay with truth, and over the last 18 months, I have far more evidence of this bliss and amazing effortless flow that I know when I have to step back and surrender to what it is.
This stillness is my only home, where my being is heard, touched, loved unconditional and always compels me to search deeper to find the truth that is expressed in present of consciousness in me, in relation with time and space. And yet, the unchanged part of within, is timeless and out of space.
I have been faithful to my pen and my heart since I began writing. I used to be very hard when I wrote from my mind, bitter and sarcastic, now looking back I smile, that how immature I was, but still I wrote from an honest space in me, even when I judged and blamed!
Today, this pen writes, my keyboard types, my mouth echoes and my heart smile. I am not certain anymore of anything my mind says, I just do not care. Mystics become master of self, it means, they completely stop listening to their mind. They use the quality of mind when it is required, but the path is the pathless, eyeless path. Only heart can take us to totality, to freedom and unchain the inner happiness. Happiness is us, is you and I, we are love in motion if we join the flow of life, the stillness will take us to where ever we need to go to fulfil our purpose.
Mind always want a destination to arrive, to conquer. it needs steps and achievement and it might happen anyway when we listen to our hearts, but it is not the driving force that merges within, the true self is divine self, always compelling us to return to our true nature.
Whatever I am here for will unveil and manifest in its perfect timing. I faced so many challenges created by own mind and vibration, I completely accept my responsibility in my own creation, any thought has a power, any feeling as a source and it is all lies within, awaken the master and see and be, the unfolding of joy and freedom. Heaven is an inner kingdom, mastery requires commitment, passion and consistency and then one day, without knowing, your wings are open and you can be anything, travel anywhere and be at home with entire creation, you have met the eyes of the creator within. The truth could not be taught or even learnt, it is here, always here, intimacy is the bridge! You are the purpose, you are the master and the masterpiece.
Stillness is where all the power lies, then heart felt choosing is like a morning song of a bird, align to her nature. The mystery of moon and night.