Who is my twinflame?

twin-flame-love

Say it loud, who is my twinflame?

When one travelers as long and as deep as I do, feelings become gateways to new landscapes and bridges. I never know, when moments will take me. Have my knowing helps or changes the unfolding path?

Many years ago, I had a mystical encounter is a very significant way, because I was a child, I barely remember what took place. I never forgot my feelings. Those feelings was a sign of presence of God or at the time I felt, something arrived, warm, kind. It held me long enough that my tears stopped, clouds disappeared and I began to experience something different from any other thing, people, or concept. I met my own soul, too young to understand or explain.

Today, entire world is talking on all social Medias of the phenomenon happening of the shift, rise and transformational consciousness, how we all are love and Divine.  Today, we have more yoga classes and meditation than ever been offered on planet. And also we are desperate to connect to peace, finding purpose and get out the rush hours and fast track of daily activates.

Our mind is the trouble maker however most of us are afraid to let it go and let something new takes place. Some of us were blessed to have some kind of mystical experience that provoked us at some point in our part to enquire deeper the meaning of being, asking important questions and not settling unless our hearts say “Yes” to answers. Sometimes there is no answer and again we need to know how to accept.

What makes a mystic; a mystic, is inner authority and unbreakable, unshakable faith in the face of unknown. Today, I began writing daily as it was the case few years back after massive fire in my heart and her initiation. My pen poured out over 500 poetry on this blog, of my encounter with love of my life, with my twinflame. I went to another dimension, meeting love, dissolving in love. I never met the earthy mirror again and that was the most painful human/woman experience in my life. Longing and yearning for a dream. Love seeking an object for her affection, is like a dog chasing his own tail. And god knows, I did chase. I broke every rule, any idea or approach called healthy or unhealthy in love, relationships, and even I went beyond acting on obsession.

It was not need, and yet it was as required as air for my breathing. My heart shattered over years, writing emails, letters, silence, publishing poetry books, an still sometime was burning so deep. It took about real 6 years after that encounter, that veils kept me from seeing the purpose of such a meeting and heart initiation. I took 4 years complete solitude to hear the true voice of a true lover. A profound sense of self took over and realization of who I am. Fire was gone, a warm, sensual river planted in my heart, move in and out of my breath, loving became simple, free with no direction. The man was no longer an object, he was not outside and all these years I chased an reflection of all that was carving, speaking and making love from within.

I just decided to write more, not sure how this will be concluded, here on my blog, in a  book, or just an echo inside my mountains.

I have lost my mind and my heart now sees and speaks. The world is no longer the same. I hear all songs and some still invites me to explore the sense of my belonging as a human.

Do I still believe in love and coming together of twinflames, I say, believe has nothing to do with it. I believed in many thing years ago and today I laugh to how small my perception was.

Do I want this to be true? Having a partner, exactly match my vibration, my blue print! Again, I have no say. Either you are awaken or not, if you are not, still dreaming and if you are, neither this nor that, will make any difference.

The world is still here, but my eyes see nothing in the mirror and they are moments, I ask my heart, my divine within, what happened to me?

And I hear a whisper…. You are the happening! There are no walls, no destination, no lover to arrive or leave.  You want something when you believe in having… we do no ask every moment of life for air, do we? We do not ask every day for Sun? do We?

Your twinflame, your tribes even, your family and friends, ocean, birds, trees and music, they are all you.

I hear a whisper, gentle, kind, always with a bit of pepper and salt, amazing sense of humor, gazing into not knowing and feeling every moment as it is.

There is no more powerful passion than loving yourself. The rest is just there to serve this purpose, the world, the yoga and meditation classes, lovers, books, aloneness, parties, sex, poetry, dance, music, clouds, blue sky and dark oceans… all together are showing one masterpiece. YOU!

©Serena Devi

 

 

Burning Love

Requiem1
This path is too long
I can’t remember where my roots are buried
where seeds of my joy will be planted.
Today, I am here with no cloth or name,
I am here with no past or future
love won my silence and words became a stranger
love conquered the bridges to my heart
and aloneness became my husband.
Do not ask me what my plans are,
do I know who I am…
because I cry.
Because this path is too long
to be shared with anyone,
not even the shadow.
Everything must be dropped, purified, screamed
Dissolve in light of silence.
You know my heart is yours
so my life and integrity,
stop this torture, let me rest in knowing
that I know nothing,
help me to surrender
as my body is no longer my home,
I belong to nowhere, to no one.
So, I must be with You,
it MUST be US,
who knows except the maker
the songs of my heart
tears of my gratitude
and joy of seeing your eyes and forgetting mine.

The path is too long,
and love so burning,
there is no other way
but be a burning sun when you love God,
As I do,
Be silent my heart, I am the burning one.

Serena Devi, Feb 2017, Larnaca

 

Into love

Every stage of silence, triggers a different sense of joy and peace, it goes deeper and wider, like a warm river washing all over your being, words become unnecessary and  breathing takes over.

I never imagined that aloneness could be so sweet, delicious and powerful and full of mystery.

Being grateful is not an option, when heart opens up,  gratitude, acceptance, surrendering and passion for learning, discovering and embracing all aspects of self, rise and expand.

Today, I am in such a state of ecstasy and ecstatic vision of Divine that my soul and heart kneel on ground of earth listening to every pulse, to every sound and feeling and tears falling and love dances with me all over the ocean of light, I am disappearing into life.

I am living, I am living in forever chants of love, in body and beyond.

I am home. ❤

Are we ready for truth?

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When I was younger, life seemed very different, my world was small and my needs so loud. I was thinking having things, like a house, car, a good job and circle of friends will be enough, will satisfy that place in me which I still have no name for it. I was sleep walking and couldn’t even feel the pain of walking on broken glasses, the darkness of fears and beliefs I was prisoned into.

These days, everyone talks about energy and vibration, everyone wants think and talk positive, otherwise what? Or the ship will sink!

Are we  still conditioned to certain way of being and now we need be always sunny.

Today, after years of noise, there is a silence sanctuary within me, within most of us, where we are witness to all the drama of life, with smile and hit of humour even in the face of most threatng events, we learnt to detach and let it pass.

But we also have a choice to hold of that nostalgic moment of uncertainty, not knowing how roots of sadness grasps our hearts, what happened to  sunny self. Why I feel so serious and listening to all craps of my mind when I know better!

It the past, I would struggle with my struggle, would try to remove it from my daily experience and would distract myself with some sort of action, doing something, calling someone, these days, I have no one to call to, it is a wide space of present and freedom, empty and available now, to get engaged with new people, connections, ideas and all of the sudden instead of getting creative and jump on unicorn of my dreams, I am sitting at a corner of room while sunny heart is hidden behind grey fluffy clouds, maybe for a moment I stop changing, directing,  having dialougue my every feelings and allow myself to be sad, to cry without reason, then laugh without a reason.

We are allowed to sit in our grieves, or pain, doesn’t matter they are all imaginary and not real, it is still a part of my ego play, let play it and let it pass. And I will do better tomorrow, because my different parts have more harmony after this scream into my own darkness.

Today, I want to live that darkness.

They are sides in us, in, out, middle…and hundreds more of rooms and corridors which we still have not discovered. Contentment is one of them, love is another, there is also this pantry which I like very much go and sit before sunset, I can see the entire sky without any birds and clouds from there… just before sun sets. That is time, I can really open up to music of my existence, after a long cry, a long shower of rain and ah, only then my heart is willing to see the rainbow again.

There is an entire universe lives and breathes inside our being and how could we even think, it should always be good, or strong, or need to always speak positive… and if we say our real feelings, e will be judged and perhaps people won’t see me as a teacher, a guru, a humble student, whatever we think we are, suddenly  becomes less, for expressing our true experience in that moment.

We are given the opportunity to have a form, to see and experience the wide spectrum of newness, feelings, ideas and actions .15 years ago, I would write my thoughts and cry my feelings between words and kept it in my little booklet without having a place to scream, today, the entire internet is your well, your mountain to go and scream, heard or not, you feel the release of tension, only because your mind still believes they are people out there! I wonder, how I am going to feel when enlightenment be discovered in one of these rooms and after that, my mind won’t even have the comfort of scream. J

But it is my journey, my path and over the last few weeks especially with a few big kicks and shocks from universe, I decided to spend more time listening to myself, those blue days that my heart wants to vanish behind clouds and I feel alone, I want to sit and hold myself in my arms, for as long as it takes… Because if my story in life was about the abandon child, then the only way that child in me, feel loved and appreciated is to have someone listening to her, stay fully with her. No one ever do this for you, except you!

My pain and joy, both comes from within and for that, I become responsible for my own being in a way that I never been before. So, what I eat, suddenly becomes a new topic and my body keeps shouting, enough, I can not eat this and that, change your eating habit… and I am so afraid to even listen, until, a shock comes which might not having anything to do with food and body, but has to do everything with life and my rooting and why I hide behind my weight and fat, to avoid certain feelings, certain people who always project my own darkness and fears…

So, I decided to sit today and just write, maybe for myself and perhaps for others.

Writing gives me space to feel and observe, to listen without judging myself, I only can do this with transparency, and that is why it gets hard, struggling with struggle, there is nowhere to hide, blame or make an excuse. I have to change, I have to find and discover what I don’t or can’t see at this moment, in me, it is not always believes, it could be a damaging values, but it is behind those grey clouds and unless I journey myself into those schizophrenic  hills and valleys, I won’t be able to unveil them, to se their nothingness, learn and grow.

So, from I to We, we must sit with our every moment and let it be lived in full. Expressing it or not, is a choice, which again we need to see our intention of all actions, doing of not doing!

By ending this note today, I find myself in a more relaxed stage than we I began. I might still not know why over the last couple of weeks, clouds pass my sky so often, but for sure, I know, writing takes their  seriousness away. I always smile, even between tears, sun always shines and love always wins.

Be who you are, no matter how it looks like from outside.

Serena Devi