Never ending of our homecoming


Where do I begin 

to tell the story of love, 

between my mad heart and God. 

He fills my heart 

with silence, 

he seduces me 

to go deeper inside. 

The hours are gone,

The moments in constant change.

Yesterday, tomorrow even now,

all troubles are veils over my eyes.
It is all a play, 

No one sees the faceless director,

Here, is just a place

No where we can hide from cycle of change.

Love is the easiest of the games,

I played it serious, controlling, seeking an end,

Ha ha ha,

Today, I play it silently with a lot of sense of humor, presence and fluid personality.

True Love found my heart

And I lost my mind, 

After that is easy,

Wipe my memories, every night after brushing!
Moments are castles build in sky,

Rooms full of everything, and nothing stays in the same place.

That is the magic of sky of flow, of not knowing

If there is a tomorrow, if wind comes, or a crazy hunter aims to kill the birds of sky.
It is all untrue, our stories and fears. It is a happening, always here, always out of our control. We can only control our responds.
I learnt to slow down and hear perhaps more and different than I see.

When what cause us feel and act is outside, we are not free, we are only touched by surface of this happening, the true happening rise from inside, breathe into it, and you feel the energy, the difference in your feeling and doing.

Isn’t it the time to end mental violence, and give the space to something beautiful, sincere, loving…

Feelings are all we ever know as our home, here, in body. Feel good, feel childlike, feel the innocence even in the face of storm, your feelings are your home.

Keep it grounded, cared for. This the true lover! This homecoming.
Serena Devi

Are we ready for truth?

407133_2145984547865_1112762677_n

When I was younger, life seemed very different, my world was small and my needs so loud. I was thinking having things, like a house, car, a good job and circle of friends will be enough, will satisfy that place in me which I still have no name for it. I was sleep walking and couldn’t even feel the pain of walking on broken glasses, the darkness of fears and beliefs I was prisoned into.

These days, everyone talks about energy and vibration, everyone wants think and talk positive, otherwise what? Or the ship will sink!

Are we  still conditioned to certain way of being and now we need be always sunny.

Today, after years of noise, there is a silence sanctuary within me, within most of us, where we are witness to all the drama of life, with smile and hit of humour even in the face of most threatng events, we learnt to detach and let it pass.

But we also have a choice to hold of that nostalgic moment of uncertainty, not knowing how roots of sadness grasps our hearts, what happened to  sunny self. Why I feel so serious and listening to all craps of my mind when I know better!

It the past, I would struggle with my struggle, would try to remove it from my daily experience and would distract myself with some sort of action, doing something, calling someone, these days, I have no one to call to, it is a wide space of present and freedom, empty and available now, to get engaged with new people, connections, ideas and all of the sudden instead of getting creative and jump on unicorn of my dreams, I am sitting at a corner of room while sunny heart is hidden behind grey fluffy clouds, maybe for a moment I stop changing, directing,  having dialougue my every feelings and allow myself to be sad, to cry without reason, then laugh without a reason.

We are allowed to sit in our grieves, or pain, doesn’t matter they are all imaginary and not real, it is still a part of my ego play, let play it and let it pass. And I will do better tomorrow, because my different parts have more harmony after this scream into my own darkness.

Today, I want to live that darkness.

They are sides in us, in, out, middle…and hundreds more of rooms and corridors which we still have not discovered. Contentment is one of them, love is another, there is also this pantry which I like very much go and sit before sunset, I can see the entire sky without any birds and clouds from there… just before sun sets. That is time, I can really open up to music of my existence, after a long cry, a long shower of rain and ah, only then my heart is willing to see the rainbow again.

There is an entire universe lives and breathes inside our being and how could we even think, it should always be good, or strong, or need to always speak positive… and if we say our real feelings, e will be judged and perhaps people won’t see me as a teacher, a guru, a humble student, whatever we think we are, suddenly  becomes less, for expressing our true experience in that moment.

We are given the opportunity to have a form, to see and experience the wide spectrum of newness, feelings, ideas and actions .15 years ago, I would write my thoughts and cry my feelings between words and kept it in my little booklet without having a place to scream, today, the entire internet is your well, your mountain to go and scream, heard or not, you feel the release of tension, only because your mind still believes they are people out there! I wonder, how I am going to feel when enlightenment be discovered in one of these rooms and after that, my mind won’t even have the comfort of scream. J

But it is my journey, my path and over the last few weeks especially with a few big kicks and shocks from universe, I decided to spend more time listening to myself, those blue days that my heart wants to vanish behind clouds and I feel alone, I want to sit and hold myself in my arms, for as long as it takes… Because if my story in life was about the abandon child, then the only way that child in me, feel loved and appreciated is to have someone listening to her, stay fully with her. No one ever do this for you, except you!

My pain and joy, both comes from within and for that, I become responsible for my own being in a way that I never been before. So, what I eat, suddenly becomes a new topic and my body keeps shouting, enough, I can not eat this and that, change your eating habit… and I am so afraid to even listen, until, a shock comes which might not having anything to do with food and body, but has to do everything with life and my rooting and why I hide behind my weight and fat, to avoid certain feelings, certain people who always project my own darkness and fears…

So, I decided to sit today and just write, maybe for myself and perhaps for others.

Writing gives me space to feel and observe, to listen without judging myself, I only can do this with transparency, and that is why it gets hard, struggling with struggle, there is nowhere to hide, blame or make an excuse. I have to change, I have to find and discover what I don’t or can’t see at this moment, in me, it is not always believes, it could be a damaging values, but it is behind those grey clouds and unless I journey myself into those schizophrenic  hills and valleys, I won’t be able to unveil them, to se their nothingness, learn and grow.

So, from I to We, we must sit with our every moment and let it be lived in full. Expressing it or not, is a choice, which again we need to see our intention of all actions, doing of not doing!

By ending this note today, I find myself in a more relaxed stage than we I began. I might still not know why over the last couple of weeks, clouds pass my sky so often, but for sure, I know, writing takes their  seriousness away. I always smile, even between tears, sun always shines and love always wins.

Be who you are, no matter how it looks like from outside.

Serena Devi

 

Hello 2017

Hello,

Do you hear me inside this space, I call in inside… so, you must be out.. Somewhere in time and space.. Listening, still hoping.. They understand, they change… but I tell you… from the other side of death… they will never know what you felt.. They never faced death as you did and still do.

Death has been a great consultant, when you die every day to what you know about yourself, your life, your family… you learn the greatest lesson of life…Truth is not what I think or even see, Truth only breathes in moments and could be disguised in any form, it touches you for a moment, like a wild wind and then it is gone ..for another new moment.. and to meet this untamed, mysterious and seductive side of life, I call it… many Call him God… for me, the mystery is a thirst I can never satisfied.. For this desire to feel truth… I accepted this indescribable life, full of let go, ache and aloneness. I accepted to let go of everyone, because all I ever wished for, is to meet the mystery of God in each breath and I become refresh and new, every moment, not knowing who I am, where will I go… The world is a bubble, a platform to change my trains and have coffee of different platforms, with strangers who might become friends and with my own blood family who became strangers… This has been a path, not chosen but has lived in full spectrum..

 I used to know who I am, calling my name inside the bobble of life. I used to know, who my relations are, thinking no one will go away, but they did. Some, I asked them to leave,, some, asked me without words to let me go. I have been grieving for the last 9 years for all the loss that any human heart could experience, I felt depth of that suffering.

I danced between shadows and edge of hope, faith. Or surviving. I was wondering if one day, anyone come back to look into my mirror, to see what they really played in my life when I was left in cold of winter, in street of Vancouver, nowhere to go, no one to turn to!

 What happened when my friend of 35 years turned me away when I asked for a loan to pay for my hostel! I asked myself there and then, who are these people…

What did I do wrong? God answered, not in words, more of showing that the world is the mirror. All that is lost, was part of me, all that rises, is part of me.

And one day, I looked into the mirror and nothing was left from the world, I see a body, an intelligence here… and more of love than I ever imagined… I am free, I forgot their faces.. even the scars on my heart are fading. I am at the other side of this road, journey of discovery.. if we ever can call it the other side, I am there.. outside of boundaries, boxes, imitation of life.

When flames become your home, when alchemy becomes your only sanctuary, you choose surrendering, there is nowhere to hide, to stop, to pretend or preach. You are no longer standing in front of God. You are God and where we go after by know that. Don’t you forgive? Don’t you forget?

I did, I do. But I also never go back and never invite the nightmare in. I chose my heart, my simple and yet unpredictable life. I choose my true lover, the invisible one. Loving God, will take away your human personality, attachments, names, faces, belonging, fake friendships and connections.. Loving God, carves you, to your bones, until nothing is left, but truth. Devotion to mighty one is a priceless gift that no one really knows about it, until, you loss everything.. You realize nothing was yours to even begin with.

I am embracing 2017, from at the other side my life, Heaven, I arrived safe and free. I am saying Hello to the world and I am a true child of Sun, loving, dancing offering my life to the creator.

This year I no longer be anonymous, homeless and alone. I am standing in light and devotion to the creator of all,

Can you hear the voice of silence inside my words?

Can you see the dream of Heaven on earth, inside my heart?

I am here, outside of boundaries, limitation, fear, I am standing on Land of love…

Hello my children, Come home.

Serena Devi,

Larnaca, Cyprus 5 Jan 2017

 

Be with me

Be with me, 

Like an ivory moonlight over a faraway solitary lake,

Be with me, 

Like a gentle fingers of a piano player 

following the song of his heart.

Be with me,

Like a sun touching the edge of hunger of flowers petals. 

Be with me, like yourself, the gentle, warm, loving friend who I can lean on his shoulder without words. 

There is no dream of union, of forever promise.

It is a simple opening in the heart of now,

When we both arrive naked and 

Baked through the oven of life!

Be with You, is the only way I learnt to be with me.

My ultimate lover, I see and feel you, in every storm, every pleasure, in my every glance into the mirror.

Could love be more silent, deep and transparent?

I am such a lover, the one who stayed alone in dark, in fear and bondage until the rising time.

She is a Goddess, a tender one, a warrior one, a seductive and sexy one, she finally became your dream of her,

And you, my forever beloved, her heart is ready, her body aches and her womb calling your flesh inside years of waiting….longing….turning to nothing but a portal,

To receive herself in you,

To receive you in her,

Love is her moan, her joy, her aloneness,

Her hope, her mission, her home.

Love is the movement of your desire in her veins.

Be with me, whoever I am, whoever I will be, 

It is always us, you and I. Dissolving in love of one. 

Loving you is my timeless  presence on earth and beyond.

Today, I woke up knowing our flesh will meet soon, the carving inside my heart is over. 

I am ready to receive myself

In all forms, my twin, my love, my home,

My highest vibration come and be with me, 

Now and forever.

We are moon and sun,

Sky and doves,

Man and woman,

Silent and words,

We are life.
Serena Devi