Moments of aloneness

314812_367625259977595_1660880617_nWe only can be happy if we are authentic and truthful to who we are. Over the last 5- 6 years since I am writing in this blog, I shared many pages of my life through words, sometimes in poetry, or an essay. Sometimes an ART work, from this day on, I begin a new ay of relating to my feelings, observation and how I reflect back and share with other fellow traveler on the path of self discovery.

I changed the name to Diary of  a Mystic, perhaps in many ways mystics and Sufism had played a great deal in my soul journey. My poetry is inspired by Eastern Mystics like Osho  and Great Sufis like Rumi and EnayatKhan.

This is a new beginning at so many levels, writing from soul and moving toward freedom with every choice we make on daily basis seems easy, but, in physical reality, everything is slow and requires time to manifest. So, let hope this diary from today’s on, will be a transparent and vibrational meeting place for whoever wish to know the way of mystics.

The first entry is dated about 5-6 months ago, I chose to publish it today, so it gives some idea of how the landscapes of journey will transform an nourish our beings.

April 2015, Brighton – Moments of aloneness

All through my life, I had countless moments of aloneness, some came heavy with feeling of despair, loneliness and loss, on others, I found a gift, a place of freedom and detachment, witnessing how my body, mind and soul comes together in one space, while no one is really around me. Over the last 6-7 years of life, from one extreme of being out there, in the world, make money, have a social calendar and chase after boys J, I am moved into a very deep solitude and timeless space which constantly shifting from movements to stillness and time for reflections and again events like waves rise from ocean of stillness and somehow, there is Serena and her little boat or even a big one, who knows, she I just on a voyage, travelling into deeper water of her own being. Since I am back to UK, staying in this peaceful haven of Buddha, sharing my life in a community that I am quiet new to it, I have learnt great deals and seems the school life is still committed in my soul developments.

I am still walking alone, perhaps deeper than ever, I tried to make friends which was always easy for my social personality over the years, but somehow after 4-5 months, it seems sitting in coffee shop and focusing on my purpose, writing and sharing on web, is the way things are. I miss humans, even it is about 30 people resident in the Buddhist center and a lot of conversations go on in kitchen and once in a while some new guys arrive for a few weeks whom could become a challenge for some, a mirror for others, an revolutionary experience for me, apart from all comes and goes and short and long conversations, my heart is alone, I believe at one stage, things will shift and it is very close for me to stand in public and truly open up to what has been playing my heart in private so masterfully and lovingly and I let it dance, sing, inspire and share… and only Divine and few of us on earth, truly knows how hard the path of mastery is. It doesn’t give you a moment rest in autopilot, it burns you, melt you and reshape you to serve the good of all and eventually you give up questions, useless attempt to make things happen the way you want, you stop planning or even you are going down with head, you stop grasping the air in hope you catch someone’s hand. There is no one in my dream, there is no other in yours either. This aloneness is home, a cocoon that you always go back to integrate and allow happening, not just external one, but mainly the internal ones.

We all Masters, we all came to Earth, to discover and cultivate our Mastery, however our timing is different, some already flowered, and some not even planted in the soil. I only could speak of my own experiences so far, and that is what most mystic can offer. A bag full of no logical experiments and experiences and a width spectrum of aloneness that is the most intimate part of your being and like layers of onion unfolds your true nature, so in time, pain, sorrow and despair transforms to your inner treasures and the unmeasured and unsaid wisdom that gives the ability to see beyond time and happening. Am I a Master?! I am no longer a woman with desires and do lists, I am no longer seeking or trying to become anything… My song is getting slower, more loving toward everything and everyone and what is more new and strange is the comfort and easiness that I feel with myself, sitting doing no-thing, or spend the whole day ,concentrating on my new website design, or just go to Brighton pier and watch hours and hours how waves moving to shore, dance of seagulls, and feel the force of wind on my back and this body that is constantly transforming and reshaping, feels powerless in front of such a strong wind, even to hold on her breath.

So I slowdown to be more grateful and mindful of all happening. Witness this magic that every second unfolds in me and through my life, I share it where I can, because my heart still beats and sings, love songs, perhaps my words carry less smoke, less of what used to be my personality, but for sure, what is here, in this body is more passionate and fiery than ever about her purpose, more determine to be truthful and transparent.

Coast to coast, we move into unknown water of life, embracing change and loss, fall in love with who you are and where you stand, truth of existence is simple and graceful, accept your humanness and be soul.

Come back to Earth

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Winter comes and you know its essence,
You sit by fire and drink your coco
remember and let go.

Sleep is full of dreams; the emptiness behind each story,
Silent voice of soul points the less travelled path of heart
With nowhere to hide.

You look up, the colour of sky keeps changing
and your eyes move between shades of clouds
and flying birds,
misty sea front and the sound of running dogs
playing their games.

You mend the walls around your house,
Fences are repaired,
Noisy neighbors are gone.
could you ever feel safe again?

This dark parade and the smell of death
How many more cascades you need
To bury the old and begin “I AM”?
While the bell in your heart rings and rings
“freedom”.

For all you ever know
You can turn your back to east or west
can live as a vagabond,
sell popcorn and exchange dreams
you can’t avoid the Truth anymore.

Mirrors will continue striking your nights
Even when you counting your blessings
The cry of wind pass through your life, loud and disturbing.

You sense the breathing of heaven behind your ear
You see the boundless sea in front
Why are you still frighten to be here, to be “You”?!

Someone whispers stories in “You” of heaviness and struggle,
someone else sings, song of shapeless, timeless
free tomorrows.
So many noises, moment of peace please!

You rest deeper into your heart,
Feeling everything, trusting the sense of not knowing.
Tide rises, tide falls,
vicious wind always have a story to tell,
Sea is the never the same.
Are you safe?
Could you be happy with no need to feel safe?

Trees look at God everyday
seagulls fly over his house
roses bloom under his smile.

Come back to earth,
Stars like magnolias; shall rise from your heart,
Winter is sacred, plant the seeds of your tomorrow
Moment by moment,
With care, patience, reverence and love.

Heaven is the satisfied taste of your hunger
against the earth’s sweet and bountiful breasts of life.
Come back to earth,
rest in roots of your fears and doubts
You shall rise as a tree,
always meeting God.

© Serena Devi January 2015

Travel

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I travel with my heart,

over all bumps and curves of learning and growth,

I feel the warm breeze of a new life

touching my skin softly.

I have travelled deserts, forests and high mountains,

those silent cry of farewells, let go of what I loved so close.

Now, my suitcase is packed light

for the easiest journey of my life;

where I can breathe in ease and peace

where I can spread my wings of love

write and sing poetry, dance and serve lovers of God.

I travel with my heart,

through the cross roads of hope, faith and courage

to a new day, leaning on strength of my soul

enjoying the exotic scent of sandy shores beneath my feet;

Into the sea, into the land

my life grows into a bountiful tree,

full of ripen fruits; falling into silent lake of my dreams…

the infinite path never ends,

circle within circle

on sailing boat of present

I watch the waves,

and embrace the coming tides.

Always, I am back into my lover’s arms

with the taste of peach on my lips

and the warmth of playful love

hurling through the chambers of my heart,

the pleasure of white orchids

in their eternal bloom.

Ten thousand years travel

into unknown horizons,

one must ask

where land ends and where the ocean begins,

am I satisfied?!

As I come to edge of a new voyage

my heart says “come in”

fearless of ever finding a land

to build a house and grow corn

my heart is satisfies with forever wondering

in sea of love.

I travel with my heart

Into clear sky of my destiny

That God has given;

The open gateway to

The promised land,

Some call it heaven, earth or home.

I call it Soul, I call it love.

Serena Devi, July 2014

Let go and Be

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Dear Beloveds,

For the last few weeks I have been stepping back into silence, letting go of the old cords and way of doings and beings. Spring always has the potential for new portals of light and inspirational creative activites. We are truly blessed to be here and enjoy the sacred breathing of love and beauty as humans and as souls.

Inside each of us, a universe live and breathe in whirls in cycles, ends and begins. We walk this dream called life, look into eyes of strangers, we study, we fall in love, get married ,raise kids, go to exotic holidays, change cars, change lanes, sometimes in front, sometimes behind, we chase happiness, we chase security, safety, acceptance, peace, all emotions we seek, outside, rooted within, for some us the drams might never ends, I don’t believe evolving is personal, so consciousness moves forward in spite of my choice to join or stay, whatever happens after my body returns to the soil, is a mystery to all of us. Even evolution only make sense for the world of matter, at the other side, Absolute holds it all.

Words become more precious every day after a silent break. I sit in front of the window of my heart, watching little birds of faith and hope flying in and out, watching; how those small wings touch the destiny of air, changing it forever, in a moment shorter than a breathe.

These days, I am not certain of anything, it is the power of love lightens my way, showing me how to choose effortless, how to listen to new rhythm of a new starts, how to let go and allow the movement of fragility of life in my veins, how to surrender to God lives me.

I want to say something that I can wrap in silence and offer it to all lovers, seekers of Truth, but how could I? In silence, empty is everything!

So, I invite you to look into this emptiness, and let its vastness, purity and transparency consumes your earthy senses, in your thirst for Truth. Let all ideas of SELF die, and listen deep into silent of your breathe, your heart, hear the beating beyond time, beyond your human experiences, be alone, and yet together with all. No teacher, no lover, no word, no sharing could offer that sensuality that is much higher, faster and warmer vibration that only your soul could experience and understand, as you reaching closer to complete the UNION with ONE.

~The great songs always born from whispers of the heart, be a song of love and merge in twilight. ~

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please view www.serenadevi.com